Thurs, Sept. 25
... Just a little unwell
It's amazing how a word, a phrase, a song, a scent, a sight, a place can take you back to somewhere you haven't been in a long time--somewhere you thought you'd left forever. And it only takes you there for a minute, and the present reclaims its rightful place as the owner of today, but for that minute, nostalgia is king.
There's a sense of the surreal. A sense of fantasy and wishful thinking, and convincing myself that I'm wishing for something that's not there. Something I'm not even sure I'm wishing for.
And at what point does that become a reality? Either my feelings, or the situation as a whole? Because I find that more often than not, something that we joke about becomes a reality in some sense. Maybe not the complete sense, but in a more developed sense than we ever dreamed possible. Maybe even than we wanted.
Does the wish, the joke, the idea make it happen, at least to a degree? Does the fact that we even talk about it make it more accessible to reality, and make us more open to the idea that it might actually happen?
And do I want it to? More importantly, does anyone else? And will it? I don't know. Right now, it's just a joke, but the joke will be on me if I look back on this in a year and see how far it's come and how little I thought would happen now.
Ah yes. The beauty of a vague entry. The joy in the fact that a year from now, I'll read this and have no idea what I was talking about.
I find it very, very funny that a year ago, I was ready to quit after getting my diploma in theatre, and now, I'm starting to look into graduate studies.
I don't know whether I'm going to pursue them, and I don't know how it's all going to work out--it's all up in the air, and I don't know how I want it to work out, but I'm starting to look into it a little bit more.
It's still a year before I have to start applying, though, so I've got some time to figure it all out. But I figure that my mom had me looking for post-secondary schools when I was in grade 10--2 years before I had to start applying--so I'm a little bit behind by now.
But I'm not even sure whether that's something I really want, so I'm not too worried at this point. It's more for interest's sake than anything.
One year ago today: Rehearsal today was such a gong show. I was trying to write in blocking without reading the script, and I don't know if all the blocking is in the right place on the script--next week, I'll have to look it over and make sure it's okay. Chelsea and Jordan had to have someone else read their lines for them, and write the blocking in on their scripts and stuff. Tomorrow, we have a rehearsal for troupe. I don't know how we're going to do that. All 6 of us are in the play, and all 6 of us are in Tutorial, so that'll be interesting.
infinite || abyss
posted at 6:10 p.m.
