Wed, Oct. 23
... Show me by what you do
Sometimes, I think the funniest days are the ones where you manage to do very little of significance, and yet feel like you've accomplished something grand. What has my day consisted of? A class. Another class, with a midterm that I'd forgotten all about (sort of. I thought it was next week). A theatre arts forum. Drove to the airport. Job interview (which I
think went well... but not getting my hopes up). Faxing off more resumes from the church. Wal-Mart for a few groceries and tampons. Home to put away the groceries. School, checking email and such... and here we are at the present moment. Rehearsal in 1/2 hour, and then a movie with
Dave afterwards, I think.
So, really, it hasn't been that productive of a day, but somehow, I feel like it is. Weird. Meh... that's a good feeling, even if I didn't do anything to warrant it! :o)
We had a forum this afternoon, talking about the school, the theatre program, and whatever else. A lot of stuff... some I think was listened to; some definitely not. But it was interesting nonetheless. We got onto the topic of Rocky's relative maturity, or lack thereof, and how that affects us.
It's sad. There are a lot of factors into it, but regardless of the factors, it shouldn't be an issue. It is, though. Gossip, back-stabbing, judging, competition, a high-school mentality... it's sad that those are so prevalent in the church, or in a church-like community, but they are.
We expect so much from this place. I think that a lot of us expect it to be perfect when we come in, especially right out of high school. We think that it'll be like one big long summer camp or youth retreat experience, but we forget that real life will invade, whether we want it to or not. This isn't about just being a spiritual high. This is real life, and bad attitudes, PMS, bad days, heartbreak, job stresses, assignments, frustrations, and everything else that makes life difficult comes in. It's not perfect, and we can't expect it to be. We're not perfect, and we can't expect ourselves--or anyone else--to be.
It's like we all want to portray this perfect image of who we are and what kind of Christian we are. We want to show just how "spiritual" we are, and of course that means not doing any of the "big" sins. At least, not where anyone can see them.
I bet, though, that if we took a really honest poll at Rocky or at any other Christian college, the number of people who had done the "big" things like getting drunk, sex outside of marriage, drugs, or things like that, would be a lot higher than we'd hope it would be. A lot of us have fallen. We're not perfect, and we're not immune to those any more than anyone else is, just because we have guidelines and rules to protect us. If anything, that just compounds it with the lies, guilt, shame, and everything else.
But someone does fall, and they get caught, by one means or another. Somehow, everyone else feels it's their perogative to talk about it, judge it, analyze it, and come up with every cause and effect of the problem, right then and there. It's like we want to reaffirm our own "righteousness" by denouncing someone else's "unrighteousness" while we have the chance. Even--or sometimes especially--if we do the same things. We have to prove by our words if not our actions that we're "good."
It's sad. This should be a community where broken people can be made whole, and where we can get to a place of restoration, forgiveness, and healing. Broken people don't need it pointed out to them. We know we're broken and hurting. We all need someone to come alongside and help us get back on track. Every single one of us does at some point or another... no one is immune, and if anything, the past experiences of having been there should be what motivate us to care--not to judge--that much more.
infinite || abyss
posted at 3:57 p.m.
