Sunday, Oct. 02, 2005
... Can't jump the track
Yes, I know that it's been an entire week since I updated here. I also realize that I only updated this blog about 8 times during September. Take heart in the fact that I have been no more diligent in writing in my paper journal, despite the fact that I often have chunks of time in which I'm waiting for Lourenzo, riding the subway, or biding my time. On the bright side, I'm reading a lot. On the not-so-bright side, a very, very, very small percentage of those books have made it into the
Book Lust journal that
Jen sent me. I guess my good intentions don't become any better when I'm away from home, do they?
Having said all that, how do I remedy that? What scintillating details about my life do I need to provide in order to make up for all my good intentions gone wrong? How about I tell you something that might make me sound just a little bit creepy. And if not creepy; well, at least a little pathetic. Okay? Okay.
I was on the subway this afternoon, riding the 4 home from church, and when I got on the train, there were no seats, so I stood, and I ended up standing near this guy--mid-20's, good-looking. After about 2 stops, a seat opened up, so I sat down. No big deal, right? Right. At the next stop, this guy sat down beside me. The car had cleared out a bit, so there weren't many people standing anymore, but the seats were all full, and everyone in them were sitting quite close together.
I didn't say anything to him; we kind of acknowledged each other with that "glance in the other person's direction, give a half smile, and then avoid all future eye contact" kind of thing. The thing was, we were sitting close enough that I could feel his body heat through his jeans. We weren't touching each other at all--we were just sitting close enough that our legs were a fraction of an inch apart.
And, you know, that was almost enough to make me cry. If I'd been just a little bit more desperate for human contact than I sometimes feel like I am already, I would have been so tempted to just lean into him. Now there's a pickup line, hey?
I get sardined into subway cars every day, and I touch all kinds of people in the most lack-of-personal-space-bubble ways ever, but this was... different somehow.
I think, in retrospect, that just the way we were sitting reminded me of those first flirting days with a new "potential." You know--when you sit or walk so close that you can "accidentally" bump feet, or touch legs, or brush hands. It's a finely tuned, extremely calculated game of distance and the right momentum from the motion of the earth that will, hopefully, lead to that brush lingering just a little longer. You know? That feeling.
And it's not that I wanted to do that with this guy, but the way were sitting just reminded me of that. Those not-so-innocent pseudo-accidents that are, half the time, the basis for all kinds of further flirtations.
I guess it just reminded me of how much I miss that sometimes, and how there are moments when it seems like jumping a stranger wouldn't be too far-fetched of a next step. ;o)
infinite || abyss
posted at 3:44 p.m.
