Sun, Aug. 18
... I'd be so alone without you
It's funny... I'm not particularly close to my mom, but I love it when I can be close to my friends' moms. The other night, I was over at Ness' house, and we were talking about relationships and such, when her mom came into the room. We continued talking about what we were discussing before, but pretty soon, her mom was asking how my "love life" is going, and what's up with that. Somehow, we just got onto that topic for a few minutes.
Then, today I was at Laura's for lunch. And supper. And pretty much all of the afternoon. Okay, I spent the day there. Anyways, while supper was in the oven, her mom and I sat in the kitchen and talked about trust, school, relationships, marriage, careers, choices... all kinds of things. I really do enjoy Laura's mother. We have fun together. I'll never forget sitting outside the dressing room at La Senza with her, discussing boobs and what happens to them after children, while Laura was in the change room trying on bras. Slightly odd? Only a little. Rose is almost as strange as Laura is. Where do you think Laura got it from?
Speaking of Laura's parents... one of the oddest, yet most touching, experiences of my friendship with her was one Sunday morning at least a year and a half ago, when her dad came up to me and thanked me for being such a good friend to her. It was kinda weird, and I didn't really know what to say, exactly, but it was special, in a funny way. I appreciated it.
I sometimes worry about Laura. She appears to be so strong, but sometimes, and in a lot of ways, she's so vulnerable. I don't want anyone to hurt her. I just want to take away all the hurt, and keep everyone from doing anything else to her. She's already been through so much, and if I could take away some of it for her, I would in an instant. I wish... I wish I could take it from her.
I don't know. It's funny the different relationships I have with people. The different friendships that I have, even with Kat, Lyns, and Laura. There are so many different facets to the relationships. I feel something different with each of them, and each of them brings out a different side of me. Many different sides, actually. With Laura, I always feel so protective. I don't know why; maybe it's because she's the youngest. Maybe it's because I know how vulnerable she is, even though she tries not to let it on. Maybe it's because I know how much she's been hurt, and because I've experienced some of the same feelings. I'm not sure, exactly. I think it's a combination of all of those, but regardless of what it is, I just feel like I have to keep the world from hurting her. I have to be there for the hurts and scrapes and bumps and bruises. I can't not be there. It's not even an option.
Loving someone is hard work. It's not just an easy feeling, whatever kind of relationship and love it is. It's so much easier to just not love, to stay aloof and detached, but it's so much better to actually love. To love for real... to put in the effort, prayers, and risk the pain. Sometimes loving deeply--loving for real--will come back to haunt you, but it's worth it. I'd rather go through the heartache of loving and the risk of losing than the unfulfillment of never having a real relationship with anyone.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:46 p.m.
