Sat, Oct. 19
... You know it's not enough
I think it's interesting how most people know what they're getting themselves into, even--or especially--if it's something stupid.
I know the ending to the stupid adventures most of the time. Oh, I may not know the exact details of how it'll turn out, but I'm pretty sure. I have several journal entries saying things like, "I'm giving up my right to complain about this when it doesn't work out, because I know it's just going to come back to haunt me in the end. This is wrong; I know it. But I don't care right now. I'm probably going to regret it, and this is going to be a very stupid choice, but I'm making it anyways. I'm making it with full knowledge of what I'm doing to myself. There won't be any surprises." Essentially. Maybe not quite those exact words, but pretty close. I think most people know that, though. When we do something that better judgment, morals, conscience, and right and wrong tell us not to do, we know we're going to get screwed over in the end.
The thing is, most people still find it somehow their right to complain about the circumstances of life when that's the case. I know I do it... I think everyone does, even if we say we're not going to.
I think that the greatest adventures come when I'm stepping into something great and unknown. When I'm doing something that I know is right, and that I know God's calling me to, I know it'll be an adventure. I sometimes forget that those experiences will be the ones that will be so much bigger than the bad ones, and that the bad choices delay or compromise all the other good tracks my life can take.
That sounds so simplistic. I don't mean that... it's not. Sometimes, doing the right thing can be the hardest thing in the world, even though the choice seems like it should be the easiest. The decision is obvious, yet the wrong choice is still often easier.
I've had my share of wrong choices. I do mean "wrong." I don't just mean "bad" choices that didn't work out the way I wanted them to, or the way they should have. I mean "wrong," as in a black and white right and wrong. It would be so much more comfortable to just worry about relative good or bad, wise or unwise, stupid or smart, or anything else like that but it's more than that. "Good" and "bad" probably shouldn't even go into that list. They should be included with "right" and "wrong." The meaning of those words has changed so much, though. There's such an undertone of discrepancy and relativism to them.
But I mean "wrong" in the sense that there is an absolute right and an absolute wrong. God said don't do it, and I did it anyways. There are stupid choices that are just that. Staying up too late and being exhausted in my early morning class is a stupid choice. It has negative consequences, but it's not "wrong."
Anyways, I'm off on a tangent. My point was, we all know it. We know that wrong choices will make us miserable in the end. And, I think that deep down inside somewhere, we know it's wrong. We don't have to play the game of "do I/don't I know if I should do it." It's just a matter of if we will or not.
infinite || abyss
posted at 8:55 p.m.
