Sat, Dec 1
... Make me feel needed
Yay for sleep... my body enjoys being able to take a nice, 2-hour nap. :o) Except that I have weird dreams. Like, really odd dreams. This time, it was that I was at some sort of conference, sort of like SEMP, except not quite, and I was supposed to marry Josh, but I wanted to back out. This whole thing was supposed to be really spur of the moment, but I kept having all these second thoughts about the whole thing and kept trying to back out, but he kept begging me not to. It was
weird beyond belief. I knew in my head--and throughout the dream, I kept thinking this--that I was just using it as an excuse; that I really wanted to, but I was too scared, but I shouldn't be. And then I woke up, and I don't know how the dream ended. It was rather odd. :o)
But to totally switch gears... Last night at our fun lingerie party, Gini was talking about how there are two needs that only God can meet, and that part of preparing for marriage is to let God meet those and realize that no other person can. Those two are security and significance. That was really though provoking, because I know how much I crave security--I want, more that just about anything, for someone to be able to say "I love you" and mean it for more than what they can get out of it. I want him to be able to say it and fully mean it... One of my most favorite things in the world is just being held. Not doing anything "special" or anything like that; just being together, lying in bed, or sitting on a couch, or wherever, and just being held. For me, that's a physical expression of the emotional intimacy and security.
I've always known in my head that only God can be my ultimate security, but I think he's trying to drill it into my heart and my reality. There have been so many instances lately where it's come to people saying things like that to me... I just don't know how to let it become more than just something I know in one place.
infinite || abyss
posted at 4:32 p.m.
