Sat, May 28
... Forget your wide-eyed fears
Jen, I got the journal today. Thank you! It's fantastic! And I really will call you one of these days... again, still having issues with that time difference going two hours the wrong way!
Kim, your flight comes in at 11:00 on the 2nd, right? Just want to confirm, so I show up at the airport at the right time...
Who else can I write notes to?
Lindsey, are we still good for Wednesday? Where do you want to meet?
*sigh* When did the kids become idiots? We used to be so proud of them, and see the men and women that they were turning into, but all of that seems to have regressed.
Were we that stupid when we were 18, 19, 20? I know I made some of my least intelligent decisions during those years, but I seem to remember being more responsible. Less flippant with my and other people's futures. Maybe I see myself through rose-colored lenses, but I see these kids making choices that will very likely haunt them in many ways for years to come.
And, believe it or not, my dad agrees with me. I talked to him tonight a little bit about some of the dumb things my sister's doing these days (no, Kat, not the really dumb things, just the semi-dumb things), and he agreed that we weren't that irresponsible.
He thinks it has something to do with the company she keeps. Which I will agree with--your friends say a lot about you--but those friends are the same ones that we had such high hopes for three years ago. They were the ones that we thought were on the right track.
Does everyone go through this phase? In some ways, it's worse than the Terrible Twos, worse than junior high... this is the phase where people make the decisions that are more life-altering than toddler independence or teenage angst. This is that "just a phase" where the decisions made can alter the course of the rest of a life. Are the years between 18 and 21--those first two or three years out of high school--the forgotten phase that everyone overlooks?
I may not be that far removed from those years chronologically, but they seem a lifetime away. I have grown into an entirely different person in the five years since high school, and even in the three years since Testament, for instance. I was 20, and just coming out of the "stupid phase." Testament was actually a huge turning point in my maturity and growing up, but before that...
Still, in three years since then, I have grown in more ways than I knew I could grow. My relationships have become adult relationships; my decisions are colored by the knowledge that what I do affects me for the rest of my life; my reactions are tempered by the fact that I have more experience and wisdom behind me.
No, I'm not there. Far from it! But I'm a lot closer than I was just a few years ago.
I just hope that they get there eventually--and that they don't make too many big mistakes in the meantime. Mistakes that could cost them everything. The lessons will be learned, but at what cost?
One year ago today: But really, that's about been my day. I was in the air for 9 hours, and then spent the next 3 getting through customs, catching a bus across the city, and coming here. "Here" being the people's house that I'm staying at. I've been here... an hour and a half, maybe.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:15 p.m.
