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Alida: A 23-year-old Canadian exploring the infinite abyss that is New York City.

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I read... ---------- Jade Janna Jen and Mike John Kim Kristy Lara Laurel Lindsey Mia Morgan Robin Lee Shannon Trevor Vron

recent posts

Uncle Richard, me, and James Earl Jones - Tuesday, Apr. 04, 2006
So beautiful when the boy smiles - Sunday, Apr. 02, 2006
One way or another - Sunday, Dec. 25, 2005
Way up high - Saturday, Dec. 10, 2005
Reason to start over new - Friday, Dec. 09, 2005

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2005: January February March April May June July August September
2004: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2003: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2002: January February March April May June July August September October November December
2001: May June July August September October November December

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Diaryland
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If I was the hardest cut to make, why was I cut? If I was the one they agonized over, and wonder if they made the right decision... who's to say that it was the right decision after all?

*sigh* I'm not questioning their decisions. Okay, maybe I am, but I trust them. I mean, I know that three people had to go. Why shouldn't one of them have been me? They said they didn't know how much I wanted it. That my ministry that I'm involved in seems better fitted to children's ministry than street and travelling ministry. That they weren't sure if my heart's passion was to go on this trip.

I'm the backup, if anything happens. If someone can't go, I'm next in line for the spot. But that's small consolation. There's next time, there will be more trips, and at least one more while I'm still at Rocky, but right now, that's small consolation, too.

When they told me, and saw my reaction, they said that they weren't sure whether or not they'd made the right choice. They started doubting themselves when they saw how I reacted to it.

They said that it wasn't my acting ability, my spiritual maturity, my personality, the way I'd mesh with the rest of the group, my ability to handle the trip... everything else. Everything else was perfect, except that they weren't sure how badly I wanted it.

Well, I guess, on the bright side, this means that I get to insure my car now, rather than in August.

But why didn't they know how badly I wanted to go? Why couldn't they see that?!
infinite || abyss