Fri, Dec. 24
... Sleep in heavenly peace
Mmmm. Christmas Eve. Even though it was a crazy, busy day (and it's not over yet), I still loved it.
I have a terrific idea for an "end of the year" survey entry, but it'll take a day or two to get up to par, so you'll just have to wait until a little closer to New Year's. Speaking of New Year's... I get three days off in a row next week. Sweet!
I think that there's something innate that happens when (most) women hold anything that resembles a baby. You can just see it in their stance and the way that they all of a sudden start bouncing, rocking, jiggling.
As part of the Christmas Eve service tonight, I was Mary for the living nativity, and since we had three services (and we were onstage for about 45 minutes of each one) it was too long a time to get a real baby for, so I had a doll.
And I sat there, cradling that doll, for 45 minutes, three times, and rocked it like a baby. Held it, arranged the blankets, shifted its position, and rocked it to the music. Granted, part of that was the fact that it wasn't supposed to look like I was holding a doll, but part of it was simply the fact that it's instinct. I get a "baby," and I find it difficult to hold it by an arm or carelessly--I always pick up babydolls like real babies. It's just part of me, I guess.
I've been rocking babies for as long as I can remember. I was the kid who "stole" every child under the age of one at church when I was in elementary and junior high, and to this day, there's nothing quite as special as cradling a tiny baby.
And all I could think about tonight was how much I want that to be me. Not today, not next year, but someday soon. And how, next year, I want you to be there, and I want you to be a part of my Christmas.
I talked to people I haven't talked to in years. More people with those always ever-so-present connections to Heritage. It seems like there are more and more connections, lines drawn between people, and it always makes me laugh.
I talked to Nathan and Jeremy tonight--reminiscing about kids choir productions of years gone by, talking about what we're all up to now, and revealing those connections that I've known about for a lot longer than they have. Bringing up names from their pasts, discussing the people that they knew way back when.
And I wished. Oh, how I wished.
One of these days. I'm starting to think that Laurel's idea isn't so bad after all. It would be an adventure, that's for sure. Think of it as that ultimate New Year's Resolution that we have for you--to stretch you in more ways that you realize. That would be the most stretching experience I could possibly give.
It keeps getting stronger, though. I really have a sense about this. And I may be wrong--goodness knows I often am--but this feels more like I'm right than some things have before.
Merry Christmas.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:42 p.m.
