Wed, Nov. 12
... Laughing all the way
I need to stop worrying about making the story good. I know I say that every day, but one of these days, I really have to do it. I�m losing motivation. In a way. I need to finish, but at the same time, it gets harder and harder to force myself to put those 1667 words on paper every day. I know that this is the tough week to stick through, but it would be so much easier to keep the words coming if I knew I had some sort of plot to them in the end. Some reason for them to be coming out, instead of just for the sake of it. That made no sense whatsoever.
I started printing last year�s novel today. Somehow, it makes it seem that much more real when I can actually see it on paper and flip through pages of my own writing. I mean, this is a hard copy�the first hard copy�an edited hard copy�that people can read and that can be passed around from person to person. Will I ever publish? I don�t know. I�ve considered self-publishing, but I�m not sure. This is still a work in progress, and I need a good editor who will be harsh with the red pen to take a look at it, and give me some more to work with, so that it�s not just a mediocre story, but a really good one. Of course, the first person who has to read it is Brian. Hence the reason why I�m printing it out. I�m going to mail him a copy, because he needs to see it first. Parts of it are just as much his story as they are mine, and I need him to give me his reaction to all of that.
Or maybe I just need it to be read by someone who understands. This story has been my baby, and it�s been brewing in my mind, for so long, that I can�t imagine someone else looking at it. I�ve guarded it jealously for a year, and it�s finally time to let my little child see some of the rest of the world. I need to give it the chance to be seen by someone besides my own little biased mind. Because parents always think their children are beautiful.
So maybe this year�s novel isn�t my biological child, because I�m not thinking it�s all that beautiful! Maybe I�m the evil, wicked stepmother that�s out to destroy the goodness and light that resides within the plot that I�m currently massacring and bringing to life. Maybe I�m like the Dr. Frankenstein to the literary genius that could be this novel. Maybe it deserves someone better than me, but I�m all it got, and I�m like the teenage mother on crack that never did her child justice. Last year�s novel is definitely the favoured child.
Anyway. Back to last year�s novel. I�m going to print off a copy, seal it in an envelope, and take it to a post office, and ask them to postmark it across the seal, before anyone sees it. My dad taught me to do that, because even though what I write is automatically copyrighted, this gives me some sort of proof, before I send it to anyone. It proves that I had it before the date that it was sent to anyone else.
I need someone to read it who�s going to be gentle with it, but I need someone who will know exactly what I�m talking about, and will see what�s going on in my head. The story is such a conglomeration of events, people, and fiction, that to most people, it will just look like a story, but there are a few that will be able to dissect it and see the pieces for what they actually are.
One year ago today: Earlier in the semester, we had to do a list of our "champions" of our art for my Tutorial class. We had to list people who supported us and encouraged. My list ended up containing the most unlikely people--people who aren't even necessarily a part of my day to day life, but who completely support and encourage what I do with my art. Craig was one of those people for me, which completely surprised me. I wasn't expecting him to come to mind, but he did, just because of the ways he's supported the drama ministry over the past 2 years.
infinite || abyss
posted at 9:04 p.m.
