Sat, June 4
... Though now we are grown up and out on our own
I had a thought today. No matter how many nieces and nephews I have in the future--no matter how many kids my siblings have, or how many I have through my in-laws--the sentiment will always be, "I have
another nephew/niece!"
See, I think of Jakob as my first nephew--in fact, that's what I refer to him as, and that's what rolls off the tongue so easily. It's easier than trying to explain what my relationship to him is, and it's more honest to how I feel--I think of myself as Auntie, and I know that Kat and Christian feel the same way. Jakob's (and all his future siblings') pictures will be in my wallet, on my fridge, on my wall, along with those of my own children and my other nieces and nephews.
I think that there's the family that you're related to by blood, and the family that you're related to by choice. Adoption and marriage fall into the second category, as do those inexplicable relationships that somehow defy all explanation. Kat is my sister by choice. Esther is my sister by blood. I love them both (sometimes in different ways), and they are both as much family as the other one.
And therefore, since Kat is my heart-sister, her kids are my nieces and nephews. So, while I may not be able to claim that I can see some long-hidden gene that I share with any of them--that somehow one of her kids got my eyes or something like that--I can have that place that only an aunt can hold. That special relationship that is kind of like Mom's, but not really. It doesn't fit under grandma, and it's not a sister... it's that strange and special relationship that has its own brand of teasing, advice, and poking just a little bit of fun. I want to be a mom to my kids, but I want to be an aunt to my nieces and nephews. As many as God gives me.
In today's society, family is so much more ambiguous than it was in decades past. It isn't just the nucleus of mom, dad, two kids, and a dog, extending to just grandma and grandpa (one on each side), and a few aunts, uncles, and cousins. In so many families, there are many more people than that who are included in a list. It's not so cut and dried anymore. And I figure, if everyone else can redefine the boundaries of who is and isn't family, why can't I? So there.
One year ago today: I don't know why that is--why is it so much easier to appreciate the beauty of what God's made when it's not real? Why is it easier to appreciate an image of the real thing? Maybe it's less threatening. Maybe it's because it's not right there, impacting my reality--it's something that I can see objectively and react to subjectively.
infinite || abyss
posted at 10:45 p.m.
