Sat, Feb. 8
... Make it something beautiful
I sat alone. Again. Still waiting for a change; still waiting for something different to jump out of a wall, make a funny face, and say, "Here I am! You can stop waiting now!" But the walls were just walls, and as hard as my brain tried to convince me that I saw a nose beginning to poke out, nothing happened. "Something different" wasn't going to jump out at me. I sane a little deeper in my chair and tried to get comfortable. I was in it for the long haul.
No matter who I sought or where I searched, loneliness followed me: an invisible ghost I tried to forget about, but who always managed to show up and ruin the party. I tried to ignore the litle pest, but he kept tapping me, first on one shoulder, then the other. I tried acknowledging him, but that just made him more cocky and vocal. He was just a little guy, but his presence devastated me.
I knew that once I found someone to take his place, he would disappear, but for now, he was my most constant companion. He wasn't the one I was waiting for, though.
I kept stealing furtive glances at the walls, hoping to see a hand or a grin, nearly camouflaged against the wallpaper, but ready to pop out. Still nothing, though. It was on the sixth cup of coffee that I realized I'd been stood up. Again.
Of course I had friends--good friends--I could go out with. I wasn't doomed to a life of complete solitude. Somehow, though, they just made my little friend shout all that much louder. Oh, most of the time it wasn't when we were out, but once we got home, he wouldn't shut up.
Everywhere we went, I looked at the walls, hoping desperately that I'd see that grin and know. Instantaneously know that soon, my "something different" would jump out of the walls and beat the crap out of my little buddy.
infinite || abyss
posted at 11:31 p.m.
