Wed, Apr. 21
... Did you ever feel sunlight on your face?
I'm losing momentum. It's come down to the last 2 assignments, and I just can't force myself to finish them. The adrenaline that was pushing out 6 assignments in one day a week and a half ago is gone. My brain is starting to shut down, telling me that after the semester I've just put it through, it deserves a break. Which is probably true; it just won't believe me when I tell it that it'll get that break in two more weeks. I've been able to slow down a little bit in the past couple of days, and that little bit was enough to convince my brain that it's over.
I just handed in 3 more assignments. Now, all I have left to finish is my 5-year plan.
Somehow, it seems fitting that that's the last assignment I have.
You have no idea how frustrating it is that I still have to take 2 weeks of spring classes. I really just want to be finished--I want to say that I wrote my last exam ever yesterday. I want to say that this 5-year plan is my final paper for a Rocky class, ever. I want to say that on Saturday, when I walk across the stage at convocation, that it's just a matter of waiting for those last few marks to come in from the profs.
But no. I still have to take 2 classes and finish the assignments associated with those (hopefully very few), and I still have to finish my French course through Athabasca.
It gets a little more strange each time, though. I write these title pages, in the classic Turabian style that we're so engrained in... I know how to write bibliographic citations without checking now (mostly, unless it's something really weird, like a translated book or something like that). I've been writing these things for 4 years. Wow.
Time flies. I know that, and yet, I can't believe it. Every time I look at these past years, I just have to shake my head, because it's just gone so fast, and yet everything except this semester seems like it's in the very distant past.
Even last semester feels like I'm looking at it through water. It's shifting and moving, and it was so incredibly long ago, but really, it was just a few months. Those things that happened--even the end of last semester, things like Once Upon a Christmas, and Lightning Bugs, and Jen's showcase... they all happened in December, but it feels like a lifetime ago.
Time loses all sense of reality after a while. It's all relative. There are things that happened during my first year that seem like they were a lot more recent than things that happened last semester. Not many, mind you--first year feels like ancient history--but there are things that just don't fit into the timeline that they're supposed to fit into.
Oy. I've got a rehearsal. Dang it. I was hoping to finish that 5-year plan tonight--it's got to be finished by Friday, and tomorrow isn't as promising. Ah well... it'll get finished. Because once it is, that's it.
Not really, but it just sounds better than saying, "Because once it is, that's it, except for the three courses that I have to finish in the next 3 weeks, and the assignments and reading that will go along with those."
Yeah.
infinite || abyss
posted at 4:55 p.m.
