Sat, Mar 2
... Photographs and souvenirs
I have this one picture of myself...
That's a line from a monologue I did from the play "Eating Out." :o) That's not what I was going to talk about. I just instinctively started to type, "I have this one picture of myself where I look like something from Aubrey Beardsley. So, that was my persona, at least until I got to college. Then, the world began to change."
In any case, back from that minor tangent...
I have this one picture of myself when I was about two, sitting at the kitchen table in my high chair with my feet on the tray, looking straight at the camera with an impish grin on my face.
"Whatcha gonna do now? My feet are on the table... you can't stop me!" I'm sure, to my mind, I was rebelling in the biggest way possible: putting my feet on the table, and picking the raisins out of the casserole, cereal, or whatever I was eating, with my fingers. Another huge no-no.
I love that picture, though. It would have been not long before my sister was born, in my last weeks of freedom as an only child! I have a feeling it must have been one of those incidents when my parents were laughing too hard to discipline me, and I was just too dang cute for them to do anything but take a picture! ;o)
As I got older, there seem to be a lot of pictures of me around age 10, 11, 12 with babies in my arms. Cousins, family friends, babies at church... anyone I could get my hands on.
One of my favorite pictures of me now was taken last December, just before we all left dorms for Christmas break. The four of us had just opened our presents to each other, and we were hanging out, eating chips and salsa, and laughing together. I was wearing Lynsae's green sweater; the one that I love the color of but have never been able to find anything else in exactly that shade of green. My hair was still quite short and was spiked in this funky way, with my blue dragonfly clips on the sides. My eyes were all done funky, and they looked huge with the makeup I was wearing. Jen and I were sitting together, grinning our faces off, and having a great time. We didn't get along all that well, especially second semester, but that picture is one of the best pictures there is of me.
I look so carefree and happy... like I wasn't worried about anything. I was, about a bit of stuff, but not nearly as much as I could have been. Things were really starting to look up for me around then. I was closer to God than I'd been in months, Brian was out of my life and I wasn't worried about him anymore, Matt and I were in a somewhat bad time, but it wasn't the worst it had ever been. I was just going into my "no major problems" phase. That picture is a happy picture of a happy time. It reminds me that there are the beautiful days, when all the bad seems to fade away, and the memory becomes only of the good, not all the bad.
infinite || abyss
posted at 9:44 p.m.
