Fri, Sept. 27
... Thoughts after three days
Sad how much I depend on reading for my entertainment. I feel like such a little kid... sitting at home watching TV and coloring until Kat got home, and then asking her to sign me on so I could write an entry. Pretty pathetic, hey? Oh well. You'll have to excuse any mistakes and such in here---I'm trying to type this without reading, which means not looking at the screen. Good thing I already had decent typing skills!
Anyways... this is driving me up the wall. Seriously. It's just a pain in the butt. I guess I'm learning from it, and I'm having to rely on non-conventional ways of doing things, which is a big part of the point, but it's still annoying. I've almost gotten to the point where I just don't care, but I don't want to give in. So, basically, I'm not purposely reading, but if I do accidentally, or if I have to for some reason, and it's a valid reason, then so be it. I'm not going to beat myself up over it.
It's the most prevalent at school... I mean, we're all doing it, which makes it interesting, and makes it harder to slip up, either on purpose or accidentally, just because there are so many other people who know about it and we're all kind of watching out for each other on it. If I'm just doing whatever--at the gym, or doing errands, or whatever--I really don't even notice it. I don't necessarily pick up a book in those situations, and the things you read just passing by, like signs or something like that, are almost impossible to avoid. Your brain automatically registers it as a word, and it's not something that you think about. It's more about the purposeful picking up a book or sitting down to read something.
The other time it's most prevalent is in the evenings, when I'm hanging out at home by myself, and I don't really have anything else to be doing. I can't pick up a book, or go online, or go to the library, or anything like that. I can't really even do homework by myself. It gets really boring.
School-wise, I'm fine. I have a few things I hvae to write out for classes next week, but those will be alright. The only big thing I had to worry about was reading "Hamlet" for play analysis on Monday, but Laurel and I watched it last night. All four hours of it. So at least that's not on my to-do list anymore.
Janna was saying that she's making herself to-do lists in pictographs. I think that's really funny.
I also think it's funny that we're all writing notes in class, and notes of things to do or whatever, but we can't read them until next week.
I want to keep writing, jsut because I feel like I haven't gotten my word intake of the day, and I need to keep going, just so I can keep myself sane.
I guess that's a good thing with all of this--I've done a lot more journalling. In my paper journal, just because it's easier to pick that up and write than it is to find someone else to log on and sign me into this. It's been good... it's been interesting...
It's hard to go to sleep, though. I always read before I go to bed, even if it's just for 10 minutes. It gives my brain a chance to slow down and stop thinking about itself for a little while. It kind of gives me the chance to get off the issues of my day and all the problems that I have with that, and just wind down and get focused on something else for a little while. I don't know--I just find that it makes it easier for me to fall asleep. Anyways, last night I didn't go to sleep until sometime after 3:30, and I finally just had to give in and read a few pages, because I was too wired to sleep otherwise.
This is weird. I keep wanting to go back and edit, or add something to a sentence, or whatever, but I can't. I'm just staring at the keyboard, hoping that I'm hitting all the right keys, and trying desperately not to look at the moniter while I type this.
But I think I should get to bed... or do some homework, or something. Not like there's much that I can do, but hey, I can always pretend.
G'night...
infinite || abyss
posted at 12:04 a.m.
