Wed, Sept. 22
... Set my spirit free
Teehee. For the past few days, I've been the victim of an inadvertant dating service. Very amusing. :o) Even funnier that it turned into a little bit of a soap opera. Nothing big--just a little bit of a "thing." Funny, though.
Tonight,
Alex tried to tell me that I work too much, because I'm picking up extra shifts and stuff. The thing is, though, I really do like my job, and I like the people I work with. My feet don't always like it at the end of 8 hours, but my brain and soul do. It does me good to be there.
It's funny, though. After I did some soul-searching last week, I realized that this is where I'm supposed to be right now. I already
wrote about it a few days ago, but at that point, I didn't have the aftermath yet.
It always seems to be the way that as soon as there's some clarity in a point in life, things get muddier. Or rather, the attacks get stronger. The day after I knew that this was where I was supposed to be was tough. It's been a strange week of ups and downs at work... a week of strange and fluctuating emotions and struggles. A week where the knowledge that I'm supposed to be there has been challenged at every turn by frustration and exhaustion.
I don't know how to describe it. It's not about the money or benefits--this job certainly doesn't offer either--but it's about the people.
Becky,
Blair, Ismarys, and Craig. They're the ones that I've been placed there to impact, and they're the ones that are in my life to impact me, and that's the most important reason for me to stay there.
I know that, and I do enjoy my job. But some days, it just feels so... juvenile. Maybe if I assistant manage a store one of these days, it won't feel so "high school part time job"-ish, but I know that can't be the be-all and end-all of my fulfillment at work.
It's a job. It's not my dream. It's the way to pay the bills, not to fulfill my life's goals and passions. I don't want it to simply be a way to make money, though. I want it to be something that satisfies me and fulfills me. I want it to be something that will be more than just a job. I wan tmy eyes to remain open to the prospects and opportunities that God places before me, no matter where they may be.
Still. It's hard to see my friends beginning their careers, and know that mine is still many years in the making.
It's difficult to discern a part of God's will, because once that happens, you're that much more susceptible to attacks and discouragement. Not that it's better to be ignorant, but the awareness makes you vulnerable.
I work at Quiznos. I spent 8 hours a day, 5 days a week in that store, with those people. I'm in theatre. I've got the training and the degree; I'm doing at least 4 shows this year--hopefully more. I want to build my life doing this. That's where the passion is; where my love and joie de vivre lies.
Sometimes, though, I don't know which one comes first in my definition of myself.
One year ago today: I was so glad that I was able to be there, and able to help out. I felt bad that I wasn't there during the summer when she was doing most of her planning, so I was so thankful that I was able to be part of the day by helping out with everything during the weekend. The thing is, I wasn't even disappointed that I wasn't able to be a bridesmaid. I mean, a part of me wished that I could have been, but there was absolutely no bitterness or "why me?" involved with it at all. I was just so glad to be there and a part of the day. It was Lynsae's day, and I just wanted to do whatever I could to make it the best day it could possibly be.
infinite ||
abyss
posted at 10:20 p.m.
